See ya Tuffy!

Tuesday night was also Tuffy's last night out in Melbourne. Following the conclusion of the Landmark evening session at 10:30 PM, I headed to Spleen Bar in the city to meet up with the work crew in the final send off. They had all gone for dinner in Chinatown earlier that night but their festivities barely matched my personal high from the whole Landmark experience. All this happiness and no drugs?, people ask. That's right!!! After harassing Tuffy with dozens of hugs (which he hates), we said our final goodbyes. Tuffy is headed to the Oakland URS office for a two year transfer, so I may get around to seeing him once I get back to the U.S., you just never know.

Landmark Advanced Course

This weekend I did the Landmark Advanced Course. Once again, I cannot even begin to explain its impact. In continuation of my realization from the forum, I made a further realization regarding my weight. When I was taken to doctors and nutritionists as a kid, I made it mean that I would never be happy, successful, or have a good life until I lost the weight. I responded with a righteous "I'm right, you're wrong" attitude and set out to prove just how happy and successful I could be in spite of my weight, which has inhibited my interest in losing weight. The new thing I realized this weekend is that I actually believe that I won't be completely happy until I lose the weight. I believe that a truly satisfying career and the man of my dreams await at the weight loss finish line, when I am thin. I don't expect these things in a fat body, I really don't. When I realized that I had created that "story", that meaning, I felt complete freedom. I went to the doctor and nutritionists, period. I am fat, period. Neither of those things MEAN that I can't have a satisfying job or Mr. Right. Not at all. By the way, since the forum, I've embraced being healthy. I've been eating well and exercising (boxing!) regularly, and I've lost 15 pounds.

"It's all about me!" I say this jokingly all the time, but on some level, I've always thought it was true. I actually consider myself as this isolated island and as long as I am doing well, I am getting ahead, I am having fun, then life is good. I have been very self-absorbed. I actually use people to help me accomplish something, to help me get ahead, to help me look good, to improve my social life, etc. I care more about how my life is impacted than anything else - my comfort, my convenience, my opportunity, me, me, me! I think my lack of interest in current events, the war, politics, etc. is a perfect demonstration of how I separate my life and my happiness and my success from everything else. My response has been how does that impact me? How does that help me? Why do I need to know? Why do I need to do anything about it? But this weekend I realized that self is not just about the individual, not just about me. We played a game in which if one person didn't win, no one won. There could not be a single winner of the game. Rather we were vested in seeing each other succeed, as much as we were in own success. We created an amazing sense of group and community in a very short time, in only three days. We created a space of trust and confidence and affirmation. We were truly connected and the power that came with that connectedness was indescribable. If one person can inspire and empower others around them, that group can accomplish so much more than a single person. On the third day, two people left the course, and the void created in their absence was huge. Without that sense of group, I wouldn't have known who they were or that they were missing. The idea that we can create that kind of group around us in our relationships, family, groups, community, organizations, and even the world is very real to me, and the possibilities that come with really caring about humanity as self are endless.

The leader kept saying I will stand for who you are until you do, you have no idea who you truly are. As I've discussed with so many of you, I've been in self-discovery mode for a while, thinking that I am uniquely equipped to do something better than anyone else in the world, and that my discovery of this would be based on my aptitudes, experiences, and personality. What I realized is that we see ourselves as what we have always been, how we have always reacted and responded since we were really young. We live our lives based on decisions we made and attitudes we assumed when we were 3 or 4 or 5 years old. I've always been a strong-willed person having spent most of my life as a 2 year old on the bottom step in time out. I realized that in times of failure or criticism, I respond with YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! You can't make me lose weight, you can't make me do it your way, you can't make me wake up (I just love that snooze button!), you can't make me stay here (moving all the time, traveling, changing jobs), etc. My response is not only to others, but also to myself. In this sense, who I am being is determined by how I've responded in the past. But I actually can choose to give up that attitude and invent myself as the person I want to be. We are all capable of choosing ANYTHING. My life can be anything I choose, I can do anything I want. At the very root of things, I want to make a difference that makes a difference.

The central theme of my life has been excitement and I have loved being the jetsetter. I get excited about things really easily; however, I also fizzle really easily. If I continue to only do things when I'm excited about them, I'll never really accomplish anything great. I'll never do anything big and long lasting, something that takes perseverance and commitment when it gets hard and loses appeal. We play games in our head where we justify our mentality. The thing is that we always win whatever game we're playing. I'm really good at the game of it's more important for me to eat what I feel like eating than to eat what I'm committed to. In spite of my best intentions, I always leave that back door open. Even if I've been eating healthy and exercising regularly, I allow myself to stop when I don't feel like it. I just need to close that back door and live into the possibility of integrity, of doing what I say I'm going to do even when I don't feel like it. The answer is clear that what I've been doing hasn't worked consistently, so why am I so attached to doing what I've always done? What am I holding onto? Is my weight where I want it to be and has my approach been yielding the results I want? Sometimes, but definitely not always. The idea is that we can live into our future. We can choose who we want to be and what our life is for, and that who we are is created by our actions in this moment and the next moment, and the moment after that. I'm excited by the possibilities of inspiration and integrity in my own life and in the lives of people around me. I take a stand for every person in my life that I will see you as the person you are until you do.

I was really inspired in our final evening session of the Landmark advanced course. The leader Cathy said to come with a problem and phrase it "I want (X) but (Y)". One guy stood up and said "I want a relationship with a female but I'm still in love with my ex-wife". So the logic is that we actually concentrate on what's stopping us (Y) rather than what we want (X). We think we should (X) but we shouldn't (Y), and the two can't possibly coexist. In reality, the two can coexist and if we focus on (X), we can achieve it. She said with any hope, he'd always feel love toward his ex-wife. She asked him what a really big breakthrough in that area would be and concluded marriage. Once you create a possibility for your future, then you can live into that future. Rather than saying someday you'll get married, mark it in the calendar that a year from today you'll get married. Then work backwards through what you would need to be and do to make that happen. So at 9 months you're engaged, at 6 months you have a girlfriend, at 3 months you have a significant conversation/intimate dinner/whatever, at 6 weeks you're dating several people, today you sign up on an online dating service, etc - you can break it out as much as necessary. The idea is that if you live into the future you want, you'll be who you need to be and accomplish what you need to accomplish to make that future a reality. Cathy said her calendar is filled with accomplishments (rather than "to do's"), based on the future she's designed for herself. It took her a while to get over the resistance that came with the idea of having such a planned life, but the thing is you're creating the future you want, and living into that future is incredibly powerful and satisfying.

Apollo Bay Shopping Spree

Narelle and I took a few detours on our way back to Melbourne. Our first stop was a quick stop for sunnies in Apollo Bay which turned into a visit to every shop along the entire strip of stores and a yummy fish & chips lunch at the Seafood Cafe. We met the sweetest woman in a shoe store, where I splurged a little on some rather eccentric shoes. Our next shopping spree was in Torquay, home to all of the surf shops - Billabong, Reef, Rip Curl, Roxy, etc. We finally made it back to Melbourne around 6PM. Unfortunately I was in for a reality check with a trip to work by 7PM and several late nights to follow. But the weekend was awesome and well worth the long hours that followed.

Great Ocean Road

Dan, Jade, Liam, Narelle, Joe, me

What remains of the Twelve Apostles

Loving it!

Loch Ard Gorge, my personal favorite

The Blow Hole

Thompson Cave

Joe, Jade, and Liam fishing in Port Campbell


Let's go fishing!!

Frequent reminders for all the (American) tourists!

A koala crossing the road

We ventured out of the house Monday morning following Jade’s pancake/crepes with homemade plum sauce. We continued west along Great Ocean Road toward the famous 12 Apostles, Loch Ard Gorge, Blow Hole, Thompson Caves, and onto Port Campbell (a nearby city). It was a drizzly, overcast day; yet the attractions were still amazing. Giant stone remnants jutted out of the crystal blue water in aged and weathered formations. We took short walks to many of the scenic lookouts, Jade and Joe climbed over the protective railings to scope out the blow hole cave, and then we proceeded to go hand reel fishing in Port Campbell. We spotted all kinds of Australian wildlife – an echidna crossing the trail, a koala crossing the road in a addition to up in the trees, a wallaby standing on the side of the road, etc. That night we had a barbie (bbq), watched movies, and cleaned in preparation for an early departure the next morning.

Sea Eagle Retreat Lock In

Joe, Dan, and Tom ride into Sea Eagle Retreat in style with Dan capturing the highlights on his camcorder

Cows grazing in the fields

Horses grazing in our backyard

View of the coastline and Otway Lighthouse from our deck

The Linley brothers slaving away in the kitchen

Dan wants a shot at bat in our lazy cricket game

Tom "bowls" with gusto

Damon takes a crack at the cricket ball (with the wicket behind him)

One big happy family dinner - we're oh so civilized

Our rousing (sleepy) game of monopoly

Sea Eagle Retreat was so great that we didn’t even leave the house on Sunday. We enjoyed a nice sleep in followed by the Linley boys cooking brekkie (Australia’s abbreviation for breakfast). Amazingly all the boys on the trip really knew how to operate in the kitchen, and everyone took turns preparing food and cleaning up. We enjoyed chats on the deck, my first game of cricket in the back yard, herding of the horses into the backyard, flying of kites through the paddocks, a family dinner, a game of monopoly, and a serenading guitar playing session to sing us to sleep in the lounge. People were in and out of the pool and spa throughout the day.

Cricket was described to me as baseball on dope. One person “bowls” the ball toward a “wicket” behind the batter. The batter holds the cricket bat more like a golf club than a baseball bat, and attempts to make contact with the pitch after it bounces on the ground. A player continues to bat until the pitcher hits the wicket or until the batter’s hit is caught before bouncing, or caught with one hand after only one bounce. In backyard cricket, there is no base running, simply a rotation through positions.

The house was set on 54 acres, among which horses grazed. Jade, Joe, and Tom corralled the horses into the back yard of the house, and Jade even mounted and rode one of the horses bareback. Liam took a kite strung with leis for a run around the paddocks, which was undoubtedly more entertaining for us than him.

For dinner, Narelle, Chris and I prepared spaghetti Bolognese, set the table, filled glasses with wine, and all nine of us sat around the table, turned off the TV, and turned on dinner music (with no lyrics) in a very classy kind of way. Dinner was followed by a sleepy game of monopoly, more time in the spa, and Liam’s guitar strumming. Uber relaxing!!

Hawaiian Birthday Joe

Entrance to the Great Ocean Road

Scenic views around every corner

Breathtaking...

One of many koalas in the trees

Hawaiian party decorations flooded the pool area

"I'm not going to drink much, maybe just one..." This glass made the rounds first with Hawaiian tastiness and later with beer

Tom's decked in a full Hawaiian ensemble, Joe cracks into his presents

Joe, Liam, Damon, and Jade

Let's get this party started! Tom gets the keg going.

The hot tub was hot, hot, hot!

Jade organized an awesome weekend getaway at a little shack along the Great Ocean Road, Australia’s most scenic drive. The trip was in celebration of Jade’s and Joe’s coinciding birthdays. Trip participants were Jade, Dan, and me from our house; Jade’s boyfriend Joe, who lives six houses down the street from us, and his housemate Liam; Joe’s brothers Tom and Chris; Liam’s brother Damon; and my friend from work Narelle. We got a late start after our intended 10AM departure. It was meant to be a three hour drive from Melbourne to our holiday house on Cape Otway, the furthest jutting peninsula more than halfway along the Great Ocean Road. We left closer to noon, stopped in Geelong for an extended grocery shopping trip, and our three car caravan met up at various lookout points along the way. We all stopped at a pullout near the woods known for good koala spotting. After a trek through the Otway rainforest, we arrived at Sea Eagle Retreat around 5 PM. The guys jumped straight into the hot tub adjacent to the heated pool(!), but we didn’t give them long before we kicked out Joe to decorate the mansion for his Hawaiian themed surprise party. Joe’s brother Tom surprised everyone with a keg. (They were shocked to learn you can buy a keg at a grocery store in the U.S.; in Australia you’ve got to know someone who works at a bar to give you the hook up.) We had mojitos, Hawaiian punch, and leis for everyone. We had a late night in the pool and hot tub with a few adventurers exploring the paddocks in the dark wee hours of the morning.

Farewell Cassie - Tuffy's Last Gig

me, Cassie, Dena, Emily, Maria


Dills, Casey (aka Texas)


Sam, Roger, Haacky, Jade, Keithy, Lucas

Mr. Tough

The Tough Brothers with guest performer Tracey

The Tough Brothers with guest performer Sammy

The evening started with my boxing class. The gym I joined about a month ago offers full on boxing classes, which I’ve been attending regularly, under strong encouragement and threat of the very enthusiastic and invested boxing coach/teacher. I was shocked to see the largest class ever (on a Friday night!!), but realized later that the sparring at the end of the class was rather enticing. Who doesn’t want to throw punches at a person directly (without the pads for protection)? You learn pretty quickly how to block jabs and throw some good hooks.

Friday was also Cassie’s last day at URS. She’s moving on from engineering to try her hand at land development. We had a farewell lunch for her followed by a happy hour and night out after work. I met up with the group after boxing class (and a shower!). Tuffy, one of the guys on our team, will also soon be leaving as he’s about to transfer to a URS office in San Francisco. The dynamic of our work group is really going to change with their departures. The two of them account for a lot of the energy, enthusiasm, and social planning of our group. Tuffy’s final Melbourne gig was Friday night at Palookaville, a bar in Fitzroy. Cassie’s farewell party in conjunction with all of Tuffy’s fans and faithful supporters rallied for one last performance by “The Tough Brothers”. Guest stars included our co-worker Tracey and Tuffy’s friend Sammy, a founding member of the original band.

The Producers

me, Alex, Tracey, Dena, Cassie, Hanya

There’s a group of girls at work that I’m a part of. We often go for girls lunches or other girls outings. One of the girls, Emily, is a dancer and was part of a community theater musical, “The Producers”. Six of the girls ventured out for dinner then onto her show to support her musical stylings. I expected a community theater level/quality performance, and was shocked to find the talent amazing and the show brilliant. Having seen “The Producers” on Broadway nearly two years ago, I had high expectations, but they were met. As usual, attending the musical reminded me of how much I appreciate the arts and enjoy making it a part of my life.

Dan Takes a Whack

At long last, I got the haircut I’ve been wanting!! My housemate Dan is a hairstylist currently working for Aveda and we finally managed to coordinate a time to style me up. I brought home some Thaila Thai pad thai (one of our favorites), and Dan proceeded with the creative artwork of my new haircut. I went for the long in the front, shorter in the back cut I’ve had before and enjoyed. Unintentionally my new haircut shares a slight resemblance with the infamous Victoria Beckham “do”, which is wildly popular here. Dang! I was going for original.

Hardware Lane

Phill and I met up for dinner after work on Hardware Lane in the city. It’s a cute, quaint alley way lined with restaurants and cafes. We settled into an outdoor table not quite close enough to the heat lamps and began the rushed conversation to try catch up on everything that had transpired since our last reunion. We’ve become very good friends since we met in May and we connect so well. I get to have the deep conversations I’ve been wanting – with several people in my life here – finally, thankfully.

T5: Tulip Farm

Back L to R: Tori, Sam, Alex, Mel
Front L to R: me, Cass, Jojo, Caz, Duff, Joe












The farm dog Jack running behind the ute coralling the sheep




The sheep cradle

Caz and Duff ("The Carolines", their real names) dominated the tennis court

Fast friends Cassie and Joe sporting the four wheeler

We were treated to a tour of the farm in two utes – Hughie led one tour and Alex the other. They have a 6,000 acre farm, with two giant fields of more than a million tulips (60% of the profit) and 7,000 sheep (40% of the profit, shared between wool and meat). They grow the tulips solely for the bulbs (roots), not the flower itself. It takes 5-6 years for the tulip to grow big enough to be sellable. However, even at that stage, they sell the bulb to Holland so that they plant it and harvest the flowers to sell themselves. Tasmania is at the same latitude as Holland so they’re actually the second largest harvester of tulips. The tulips must be planted in a different field each year and cannot be planted in the same field for seven years to allow sufficient time for the soil to re-nourish itself and be suitable for flower growth. We were shown the sheep tending ways, including a cradle with stirrups into which the sheep are lifted, then “handled” (i.e. tails clipped, boys castrated, injected with vaccines and nourishment, and ears tagged). In the sheep shed, sheep are shorn with wool sorted into different categories of thickness and type. I learned that lamb meat is generally sourced from lambs around 4-5 months, absolutely no older than one year.

After the traditional farm Sunday lunch (a big meal as a late lunch/early dinner), we played tennis and went four wheel driving on the ATV. Thanks to my northern Minnesota lake trips, I was well prepared to throw a few girls off the back of my ATV on our speedy loops around the farm. Ha, ha, ha (evil laughter)!! Nine of us returned on the same Virgin Blue flight Sunday evening, all lined up in the final two rows of the plane. What a gaggle we were. The flight attendants even announced Tori’s birthday and we all sang to her LOUDLY as we flew back to Melbourne.