Skip this one if you're hoping for an exciting read. Last night I went to a bar with some coworkers after Friday Night Drinks. I actually left the bar shortly after arriving because I really didn't feel like being there. I had no desire to strike up conversation with anyone. I didn't feel like "being on", bar talk, and surface conversations. I felt like I might have been equally excited walking into a bar full of strangers as I was to be surrounded by people I barely knew, certain that no deep conversations or connections would come of this evening. I chose to go home early on a Friday night over socialization in the city - something is clearly wrong.
The last week or two have been hard. I don't remember the last time I felt this way - I'm homesick, big time. My mom assures me this has happened every time I move somewhere or start something new. I have a way of forgetting the hard times and thinking that my life is and always has been fabulous. This time I'm documenting it to remind myself. I'm confident that in 6 months (or hopefully sooner!) I'll be wrapped up in an exciting life in Melbourne and have forgotten this feeling. I am missing my family especially Jack, friends, and a busy social life. There are great people all around me, but I am lonely, missing the true deep connections I've shared with so many of you in the U.S. I am so lucky to have Casey and Phill who get to hear everything - poor them. I'm sure they're as anxious for me to make other friends as I am.
I am coming to the devastating conclusion that it would probably be better for me to leave Jack with my parents in San Antonio than to bring him here, which is killing me. The first problem is that I have been unable to find accommodations which would allow a dog - a gigantic problem in itself. But I also believe that he has a better quality of life with them (getting five walks a day and filet mignon for dinner) than he would have with me (long days at work, only one person doting, and future travel issues). I'd love to spare him the miserably long crated flight and 30 days quarantine as well. This is REALLY HARD. Every time I think about living the next two years without Jack, I just sob and go into meltdown mode. I'm really not sure what to do. What's best for Jack? What's best for me? Does my vote count extra??
